ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
