I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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