I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
