Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
