I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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