loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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