btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where is the hickey?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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