already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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