When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Damn victory sex feels great
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
