If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
