Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's never too late to be topless.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
