Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
