Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
