Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
