Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
