Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
