how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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