his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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