I think I am morally bankrupt
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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