we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
