I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
