I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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