the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
