We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
