hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
