I'm so fucking centered right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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