This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Green mimosas i think yes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
