Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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