On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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