My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
