Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
