Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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