Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
