I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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