There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
