Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
