You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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