Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
