So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
