i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
