Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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