it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
