I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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