i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
