You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
