chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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