I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
