you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
