I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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