Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
