somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
