Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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