Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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