8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
