The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
