Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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