you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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