perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How external is "for external use only"?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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